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E1 White Mages are Jerks
The best defense is a crappy offense.
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E2 Mega Man Needs To Go
To be the number 1 robot, you need a place to go number 2.
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E3 Mortal Kombat Friendship
The greatest thing one friend can do for another is not murder him.
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E4 Lifeguard Mario
No holding down B in the pool area.
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E5 The Mario Bros. Go Halfsies
Sharing is caring. Unfortunately, caring won't help you much in videogames.
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E6 Mortal Kombat Pervert
Every ninja's dream: two girls at the same time.
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E7 Mario Paint Torture
Don't even get him started on Creed.
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E8 Excitebike Shop
Overheating is radical.
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E9 Double Dragon Girlfriend
8 bit blood is thicker than 8 bit water.
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E10 Castlevania S&M
It's hard to beat a boss when he's into it.
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E11 Angry Birds Friendship
Angry birds and pigs have a lot in common. For example, neither can fly for some reason.
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E12 Sonic's Gambling Problem
What happens in Casino Night Zone stays in Casino Night Zone.
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E13 Resident Evil Roommate
This is what happens when you find a roommate on Craigslist in Raccoon City.
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E14 Crashing the Silent Protagonist Party
He was the least and most annoying bandicoot at the party.
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E15 White Mage Dad is Racist
Guess who's being randomly encountered for dinner.
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E16 The Koopa King's Speech
He's a t-t-t-t-terrifying ruler.
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E17 Metal Gear Solid Box Trouble
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E18 Rejected Sega Intros
He'd be a great voiceover artist if he didn't have to read or talk.
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E19 Everybody Hates Crono
They'll do anything to save him. As long as it's not too much work.
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E20 King Hippo Disgraces Hippo People
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E21 Cammy's Dad (Street Fighter)
If she's going to street fight, she'd better do it like a proper lady.
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E22 Chargin' Chuck Gets Picked Last
He's game ready. And really, really desperate.
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E23 The Horrible Secret Behind Starter Pokemon
This is almost as cruel as keeping them in a tiny ball.
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E24 Kazooie is Kidnapped
Living in a backpack is the least of her worries.
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E25 Final Fantasy Cover Bard
We'd use the sprites from Final Fantasy 1, but he doesn't do originals.
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E26 The Mushroom King
"Thank you, father! But our respectable suitor is in another castle.
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E27 Robotnik Breaks Down
Never buy a pre-owned drillcar.
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E28 Ken Gets Excited
He's a master of the "Hadouken" and "Waistband" technique.
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E29 Doodle Jump Fall
The higher they jump, the farther they fall. And fall. And fall.
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E30 Link's Death
Our heart containers go out to his family.
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E31 Ice Climbers Cliffhanger
He had his whole extra life ahead of him.
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E32 Mario's Horrifying Discovery
What happens in the warp zone, stays in the warp zone.
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E33 Rampage Apology
Forgive and forget. Unless they just punched through a skyscraper.
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E34 Mario With A Portal Gun
The shortest distance between two objects is a straight line. Or a portal.
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E35 Ecco's Friends Are Stupid Dolphins
They say dolphins are only slightly less intelligent than humans. And humans are pretty dumb.
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E36 Donkey Kong Doesn't Back Down
You shouldn't run away from your problems, especially if you can beat them in a fight.
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E37 Sheik Crashes a Bachelor Party
You don't need the tri-force of wisdom to realize this won't turn out well.
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E38 Noob Saibot is a Noob
He's gonna kick your ass. Right after he reads the move-list.
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E39 Angry Birds vs. Tiny Wings
Imitation is the sincerest form of ornithology.
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E40 How Blinky Died
He's got a few ghost skeletons in his closet.
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E41 Mario Goes Down The Wrong Pipe
No free coins. No extra lives. The only way out is the reset button.
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E42 Mortal Kombat Sitcom
They're going to kill you....
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E43 Captain America Uses Drugs
He's as American as apple pie injected with super steroids.
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E44 Starcraft SCVs Go On Strike
Not enough minerals? MINE THEM YOURSELF.
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E45 The Diablo Townspeople Should Move
You'd be amazed at how much living next to Hell will affect your property value.
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E46 Kung Lao's Hat is Dull
The only thing worse than having your head chopped off is having your head mostly chopped off.
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E47 Mario Meets With His Agent
He'll take you to the next level for just 10% of your coins.
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E48 Sim City Monster Hates Your City
I think we can all agree that gridlock is the real monster here.
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E49 Contra Henchman Strategy
They're not the best strategists, but they'll run at you like nobody's business.
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E50 Mario Dumps Pauline
"It's not you, it's me....and the fact that you're not a princess.
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E51 Plants vs. Zombies Wall-nut Gets Bitten
Teamwork is infectious.
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E52 If Classic Games Had DLC
Back in my day, fireflowers were only a nickel.
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E53 Link to the Past with a Portal Gun
When life gives you the Triforce, make Triforce grenades.
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E54 Sonic Meets With His Agent
The fastest thing alive meets the smoothest talker alive.
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E55 Falco Adjusts His Attitude
"Gee, I've been saved by therapy. How swell.
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E56 Ghosts 'n Goblins Blacksmith
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E57 Inbred Yoshi
His face has a lot of character. Horrible, deformed character.
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E58 Koopa Troopa Does Stand-up Comedy
Even seasoned comedians occasionally bob-omb.
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E59 Samus Meets With Her Agent
Behind every great woman there's an awful man trying to get her in a bikini.
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E60 Mega Man With a Portal Gun
Dr. Wily wants him gone.
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E61 Sonic Wasn't Fast Enough
Speed runs save lives.
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E62 Dr. Light's Gift to Mega Man X
It's better to give than to receive a terrible present.
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E63 Mortal Kombat Sitcom: Shao Kahn Comes to Dinner
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E64 Chill Penguin is Chill
He's not big on using shotgun ice, but he's always down to shotgun Natty Ice.
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E65 Tifa Embarrasses Barret
It's not the size of your gun arm that counts, it's how you use it.
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E66 Tails Can't Die
One fox, two tails, unlimited lives.
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E67 Smash Bros. Fatalities
The ESRB may have to reevaluate their rating.
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E68 Mega Man X Charges Too Much
If at first you don't succeed, destroy everything.
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E69 Judgmental Mortal Kombat
Nothing's more dangerous than stereotyping. Except maybe Goro.
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E70 A Boy and his Blob Reunion
You don't need jelly beans to transform into a productive member of society.
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E71 Luigi Wears Red
Imitation is the sincerest form of douchebaggery.
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E72 Captain Falcon Can't Get Insurance
That's the last time he'll drive while eating Falcon Lunch.
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E73 Diddy Kong Country
Player 2 has Player 1 aspirations.
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E74 NBA Lockout Jam
The only dunking he's doing involves cookies and milk.
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E75 Bahamut Wants to Hang Out
You will rue the day you summoned him.
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E76 Mistaken Hero Identities
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E77 Mario's Mushroom Mix-up
Doubling in size instantly is bad for your health.
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E78 NES Ninja Turtles Theme Song
These Dorkly boys don't cut em' no slack.
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E79 Robotnik Finally Wins
This isn't the game over he asked for.
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E80 Mario is a Furry
If you wear a raccoon tail long enough, people are gonna get the wrong idea.
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E81 The Frogger Menace
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And gigantic, car-sized frogs.
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E82 Bastion Narrator Invades Other Games
Initializing raspy voice mode...
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E83 Vision Wants to be in the Avengers Movie
You've got to draw the line somewhere. Preferably behind the badass laser robot.
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E84 Double Dragon Dad
It's called tough love. Very, very tough love.
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E86 Chrono Trigger Time Travel Mix-Up
Don't cross the (time) streams.
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E87 Mario Responds to PETA
No animals were harmed in the making of the Tanooki suit.
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E88 Link's Yard Sale
Nothing like a little Spring inventory cleaning.
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E89 Gordon Freeman Meets With His Agent
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out with your shrill, horrible voice.
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E90 Boos Man Up
Night of the living dread.
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E91 Spy Hunter Pranksters
Never trust the guy in the van.
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E92 How Diablo Destroyed Tristram
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E93 Pac-Man Plays Skyrim
Psh, you can talk to your family anytime.
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E94 QWOP Guy Has Sex
It's all in the limbs.
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E95 The Night Before Mario's Christmas
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Mouser.
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E96 It's a Wonderful Extra Life
A toast to Luigi: The richest Player 2 in town.